Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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