Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
