When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
