anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
