Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize