He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just threw up on my dentist
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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