we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize