im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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