I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
