fuck your aforementioned shoe
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
