and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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