Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did I show you my penis last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
