There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
