That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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