I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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