Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You've changed since you got that strap on
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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