3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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