Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize