I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
