I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
