so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize