The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
