dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
