no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
