Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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