Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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