I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i came on her dog
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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