He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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