Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
