i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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