Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize