if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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