It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
