we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
