sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
