i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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