is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
