You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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