he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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