Don't you send me to vm
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
