Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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