like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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