that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
