took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
