and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
thus making me awesome and them whores
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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