well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
