Ketchup is God's man juice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
