she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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