Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
