Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
