so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
