So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
