just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize