i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
