Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
