dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
