we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
