i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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