Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A bitchslap is in order.
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