Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry about my life...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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