i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
