Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
