I didn't shave. On purpose
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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