I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
