wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the raccoons are back...
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