I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've blown a few things in my day
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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