Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
