Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
