I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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