DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
